ALL BINGO...NO WING...

"Your lifestyle should not be comfortable. It should be comforting." - From "On Combat" by Lt Col Dave Grossman

Before every training session (from Kettlebells to Stick Fighting) I get dry mouth, I get an overwhelming urge to dash to the toilet (something I've been referring to as my "panic poop") my hands shake, I zone out and miss people's conversations...I get pretty weird...

I've been complaining in my diary cam entries for months that no matter how hard or often I train I still freak out before every single training session. It's been depressing me and I've chalked it up as another sign of limited progress.
All of these crazy symptoms..I put them down to nothing more than paralysing fear.

Then I listened to a few audio tapes by Tony Blauer and read a book called "On Combat" by Lt Col Dave Grossman...both of which I can't recommend enough...
This combination of sources taught me something very important.

Firstly my "panic poop" is very common. Often referred to as a "combat crap" or, as it turns out amongst my MMA friends, a "tactical dump"... Grossman refers to it as a "redirection of assets" (which really amused me).
Basically my body knows it's in for a fight and it's getting rid of the waste.
My dry mouth, my shaking hands and my zoning out was all part of an adrenalin dump that I, as a couch potato who never did anything more strenuous than lift a cheese burger, had never experienced before other than in unpleasant circumstances...
I was associating all of these symptoms with the only time my heart has ever really pounded out of my chest..when I was getting my ass kicked.
What was really happening was my body was preparing for a fight.

This little epiphany has had a pretty big effect on me.

Whether I realised it or not my body was helping me prepare for what's ahead.
This adrenalin dump is there to help me, to make me faster and stronger and be able to soak up more punishment. It's my body's' own power-up and I've been confusing it with crippling fear.

Fear and adrenalin are two separate things..
My mind saw fear when there was none, my mind made a massive and inaccurate assumption that has had me quitting before I'd even begun.

Knowing this fact I embraced my "nerves" before my latest kettlebell session and went in with an open mind and a big smile on my face.

For the first time I'm not thinking of my body as an overweight meat suit that's slowing me down and holding me back. I might be built more like a sofa than a sports car but my body is my friend and it's giving me all the tools I need to kick ass.
Now my brain has caught up with the proceedings I can hardly wait to train again.

I'm starting to educate myself and in doing so I'm learning things about myself that I never knew. Armed with this knowledge I feel I can approach my training with a new clearer understanding and a new vigour.
I can't help but have a twinge of regret that I didn't realise these things 8 months ago..but it's beginning to dawn on me more and more that this isn't going to end with one day in California...this has become an obsession that I think might last a lifetime...

Thanks

Andy

"Awareness is good. But without skills and ability tied to that awareness, all you have is anxiety" - Tony Blauer