DIG DEEP

"Sow an action, reap a habit, sow a habit, reap a character, sow a character, reap a destiny" - A duelling quote

That still remains one of my favourite quotes (i originally read it in By The Sword).
As i train harder and more often it feels particularly fitting.

I knew ( as a lazy nerd who loves the internet and Home Box Office far too much) that the only way i could do this was to make it habit.
I've seen evidence of this with several people, including Lynn himself. If they don't train thay aren't themselves.

Both mentally and physically i've been putting myself under a great deal of stress.
My sleep patterns are shot to pieces. I either can't sleep from thinking too much, or i can't sleep because i'm so damn sore i can't get comfortable.

As i've mentioned before i have a day job that requires a lot of dedication and genuine commitment. There is never a day you can just coast through without trying, not if you want to do the job well.
The same goes for this documentary.

Last night i was already tired and sore from Monday's Kettlebell workout. I really didn't want to be there (especially with a camera in my face) but i went out of habit. But once i got there i had no choice but to dig deep and give it 100%
The people i train with and my instructor (the exceptional Phil Earley of NKC) expect nothing less from me than everything i've got.

Today i'm once again limping my way around the office, physically wrecked and with a brain full of cotton wool from lack of sleep but at the same time i am grafting hard and dare i say it doing a good job.
I'm learning to switch brains and to find different reserves for the day job while resting my "documentary body and mind" during those 8-12 hours a day i'm sitting at the desk...

I'm learning that in order to do this challenge i need to be two people.

I have a friend who's a doorman who has described to me before about just being a normal nice, respectful bloke who can just flip a switch when he needs to. I've heard the same analogies spoken by martial artists and military personnel.
I have a theory that it's the same for anyone who has "another life" and it has nothing at all to do with violence.
Maybe in order to be really well-rounded as people we need a few different personalitites in the mix?
I've learned that when i'm engaging in public speaking (something that really freaks me out) i kind of become "Public Speaking Andy". When i've looked at videos of that guy he's barely recognisable to me...

Maybe this documentary is forcing me to create some new Andy Personalities?
Still me, but a me that can cope with different pressures, face different fears and succeed in different situations?

Part of me thinks that's awesome, like a toolkit of parts that are there when needed like some sort of psychological utility belt
Another side of me wonders if that's just a fancy way of lying to yourself...

who knows?

i guess whatever gets the job done, right?

Andy