GONNA FLY NOW!

Surely the greatest punch bag ever devised?
This is The Butcher's Bag by Queensberry 12
All i can say is it's a massive honour to have one...and I love this thing!!

Awesome

Andy

DIG DEEP

"Sow an action, reap a habit, sow a habit, reap a character, sow a character, reap a destiny" - A duelling quote

That still remains one of my favourite quotes (i originally read it in By The Sword).
As i train harder and more often it feels particularly fitting.

I knew ( as a lazy nerd who loves the internet and Home Box Office far too much) that the only way i could do this was to make it habit.
I've seen evidence of this with several people, including Lynn himself. If they don't train thay aren't themselves.

Both mentally and physically i've been putting myself under a great deal of stress.
My sleep patterns are shot to pieces. I either can't sleep from thinking too much, or i can't sleep because i'm so damn sore i can't get comfortable.

As i've mentioned before i have a day job that requires a lot of dedication and genuine commitment. There is never a day you can just coast through without trying, not if you want to do the job well.
The same goes for this documentary.

Last night i was already tired and sore from Monday's Kettlebell workout. I really didn't want to be there (especially with a camera in my face) but i went out of habit. But once i got there i had no choice but to dig deep and give it 100%
The people i train with and my instructor (the exceptional Phil Earley of NKC) expect nothing less from me than everything i've got.

Today i'm once again limping my way around the office, physically wrecked and with a brain full of cotton wool from lack of sleep but at the same time i am grafting hard and dare i say it doing a good job.
I'm learning to switch brains and to find different reserves for the day job while resting my "documentary body and mind" during those 8-12 hours a day i'm sitting at the desk...

I'm learning that in order to do this challenge i need to be two people.

I have a friend who's a doorman who has described to me before about just being a normal nice, respectful bloke who can just flip a switch when he needs to. I've heard the same analogies spoken by martial artists and military personnel.
I have a theory that it's the same for anyone who has "another life" and it has nothing at all to do with violence.
Maybe in order to be really well-rounded as people we need a few different personalitites in the mix?
I've learned that when i'm engaging in public speaking (something that really freaks me out) i kind of become "Public Speaking Andy". When i've looked at videos of that guy he's barely recognisable to me...

Maybe this documentary is forcing me to create some new Andy Personalities?
Still me, but a me that can cope with different pressures, face different fears and succeed in different situations?

Part of me thinks that's awesome, like a toolkit of parts that are there when needed like some sort of psychological utility belt
Another side of me wonders if that's just a fancy way of lying to yourself...

who knows?

i guess whatever gets the job done, right?

Andy

INSTRUMENTS OF DESTRUCTION...

The first batch of training gear...
Bauer Ice Hockey Elbow Guards and Gloves
Cold Steel Escrima Sticks...

Bueno

Andy

DIRTY LAUNDRY...

"You can't slit the throat of everyone whose character it would improve" - Al Swearengen

So despite watching Deadwood (in which i discovered Lovejoy is the pottymouth king) i've been stepping up the training..
Lifting heavier weights and training more often with less rest..
Bueno

One thing however that i didn't expect to find so difficult is juggling my day job and this documentary.

I work as a concept developer. I help people to come up with cool ideas, do research and develop pitches for different audiences.
It's a groovy job, but it relies a lot on motivation and enthusiasm...
Every single project i work on and i develop i am 100% enthusiastic about..it's how i roll. I work crazy hours and throw my heart and soul into every pitch out of a genuine passion for making something cool.
I won't deny that sometimes that enthusiasm has to be summoned up..but once i get going i genuinely care about making everything i've worked on the best it can be.
It's a matter of pride. That's why i think i'm damn good at my job.
Every victory brings a massive smile to my face and every failed project keeps me awake at night.
The same goes for this film.
I'm having to muster double the enthusiasm, double the motivation and double the heart.
To dig deep and find the extra will to finish a set of Turkish Getups..to give it everything i've got is harder than i'd ever imagined. To then wake up the next morning battered with exhaustion and sit at my desk, open a project file and begin typing enthsiastically takes more out of me as well..

I don't begrudge the position i've placed myself in. This is the challenge of a lifetime, the chance to really see who i am. But sometimes it's tough..
I'm learning to split my lives into two..to use different emotional and physical reserves for different times of the day.
This film is genuinely changing me and my personality.
it's weird...

I've really started treating this blog and my diary cam like a confessional, pouring all these feelings out and airing all my dirty laundry for you guys to read...
it still feels incredibly uncomfortable and a little unsettling.
People talk to me about the project and mention stuff i've written and i'm shocked how much they know about me...
I've got to get used to that...

I've described my life as being a bit "batman meets fight club" before. I was half joking but there is a funny element of truth to that.
I do sometimes feel like i'm leading a double life. Having a kick ass batcave (The Fridge) is part of it. It's weird that i'm facing my fears of violence by learning to use weapons..i know it's odd. Especially as i would never dream of carrying one in a million years.
I can't help but feel like i'm playing make believe...

There is also that sick sense of curiosity that Fight Club portrayed so well. The side of me that does ridiculous things just to see what will happen.
What does it feel like to be hit with a stick travelling at over 70 miles an hour?
Can i lift that 20 kilo weight above my head without doing myself a mischief?
Can i cope with being punched in the face?

3 months ago i didn't even want to know the answer...now, hell, i'm curious...

now, back to typing...office brain..ACTIVATE!

Andy

THE FRIDGE...

This is "The Fridge" my new training space...
Provided by the incredibly cool folks at Hoults in Newcastle
We have big plans for The Fridge
I can't wait to start training in there!

Andy

WHAT IS A WARRIOR?

A mobile phone drawing by Derrick Welsh under the heading "what is a warrior?"
Derrick drew this just for little old me as part of the P.R.E.S.S event last weekend!
Derrick is an amazing and inspiring digital artist who has a talent for getting technology to do cool things and a passion for education.

Awesome...

THE CHALLENGE!

"...Some people will never have adventures! I am not gonna live my life like that. I'm not gonna live vicariously, I'm gonna go out and do things for myself. I think everyone should shine for themselves, go out and carve their way in the world" - Lynn C Thompson

Well, now i know what my final challenge will be...
All this training is leading towards something epic...and something that is scaring the heck outta me!

Lynn has thrown down the gauntlet..
On the 25th September i will be competing in The Cold Steel Challenge in California.

The Cold Steel Challenge is an internationally renowned weapons tournament for the best of the best.
Competitors from all over the world descend on Ventura, CA to fight with all manner of weapons and to prove that they are modern day warriors...
And yours truly is going to be there...

I will be fighting with sticks, swords and knives. Standing toe to toe with real warriors

Lord help me!

I don't expect to do well in this tournament (hell..it's for hardcore martial artists and before Christmas i had never lifted anything heavier than a Big Mac!) but i don't know whether that's really the point.
The aim all along is to gain confidence, face my fears and just compete. To give it my all and just do it!
Lynn has chosen this challenge because it makes me literally stand up to my fears.

I could get hurt doing this..and i have to accept that..
But i will be among friends, i will be as prepared as i can possibly be, i will be in the company of warriors (not thugs on the street)who are there to compete not bully and when it boils down to it, regardless of how extreme this is, it's an organised event. It ain't gonna kill me...

I respect Lynn's decision on this..and i'm gonna go for it

I've got unbelievable support, good friends, awesome coaches and 5 months to prepare
I've booked my year's worth of holiday allowance for training
It's actually happening

Right now that all sounds pretty exciting.
When this all sinks in i think i might be sick

i'll have a think about this and maybe write about it a little more...

cheers


Andy

A GOOD DAY AT THE OFFICE...

"Game's the same, just got more fierce" - Slim Charles


(mobile phone snapshot from the Documentary shoot for Life on the Edge. In the Cold Steel Training Facility circa '08, left to right: Sheriff Mitchell (Camera Man), Andy Talbot Smith (Director), Ron Balicki, Lynn Thompson)

Things are going well. Maybe i'm finally getting this.
I can't say i enjoy training yet because that would be lying. I still have a sinking feeling of dread before every session. I still get butterflies and have to take a last minute panic piss before every Kettlebell class. I still hurt more than anything the day after...and dread training the day before...
But lately, i've just been getting on with it.
No bitchin' and moaning and no excuses.
And now it's getting easier.

I'm upping weight in my training, working harder and pushing myself willingly towards a goal...
Things have clicked into place

nice

Andy